i am the man i was supposed to marry...

Recently one of my close girlfriends said a pretty profound thing to me. We were discussing why so many successful women we know are single.

So she turns to me and says "well what can we expect, we're becoming the men we were supposed to marry!"

Since then every time some self important married or coupled person sympathetically poses that, "so why is a nice girl like you not snapped up yet" question (or any of it's hybrids), I turn smugly and retort "of course I'm taken - by myself." This is always met with some bewildered looks giving me the perfect opportunity to launch into my epic monologue. 

"I mean think about it, I'm smart, funny, successful, and ambitious. I love babies, never shout at waiters and I'm kind to animals. I pay the bills on time, take the trash out, always change the light bulbs the minute they go out, put the toilet seat down, pick up my socks, and I have GPS so I never have to get lost or get into an argument about not asking for directions. Basically I am the man I was supposed to marry."

Of course this statement is always met with that obligatory "ooooh". And it's always in that telling sing song tone that says, "shame, she's so unhappy and sad and poor thing doesn't even realise it." The conversation then awkwardly moves on to that girl who slept with her husband's best friend or someone's drug habit.

Truth is I don't expect anyone who has actually convinced themselves that they enjoy sharing a bed with another body to understand the vindication of finally being able to give a plausible layman's explanation for the case of the successful-single-girl (see my next blog for further insight into this growing phenomenon). 

You see pragmatic girls everywhere realised a long time ago that there were more fulfilling ways to spend your twenties than waiting for Mr Right, and that it was actually much easier to just become your own Knight in Christian Laboutins than to expect some guy to come save you. Since then an entire industry has cropped up telling girls that even if you are part of a super efficient species that can pay its own bills and sperminate its own eggs, you aren't really anyone until you have someone to love you, and thus the ammount of energy wasted by women in or nearing their 30s in the search of a penis (this can also be blamed for the rise in lip stick lesbianism).

The sad thing is that all this energy spent focusing on why women are single has totally eclipsed the real issue. I mean with these women becoming the perfect suitors where does that leave the guys?

The average guy knows that it requires true A-game to impress even an average girl nowadays. Never mind if you want the deluxe package with brains, her own car and a great rack. But instead of pushing guys to new heights it seems the challenge of this new woman has done the complete opposite. I won't tell you the number of times I've watched my guy friends clutching for their best game, only to be shut down by some smart mouthed girl who earns more money than they do. It's no wonder the modern man just doesn't even bother to try anymore. Who needs to be gentlemanly, faithful and decent when all you're good for is the occasional skype sex on a Saturday night?

So the more successful women get, the less men try and the more self reliant girls become, leaving the men with even less to do. So mistresses it is not the plight of the successful single girl that should worry us (because lets be honest we all know she's perfectly happy and capable of taking care of herself). The real problem facing modern society is the plight of the single man...  I mean how on earth are we going to solve the growing litter problem of smelly socks, and who is going to feed all these malnourished bachelors? This is the serious pandemic to consider.