are you to blame for your daddy issues?

Yesterday was father's day and given that my own relationship with my dad is less than perfect i decided to refrain from the usual male bashing that this day brings on. Instead i just sat back and let the great dads wallow in their shine. After all the ones who actually step up and do their job deserve it and given the number of people i know with daddy issues, it's my opinion that the #greatdadsrock movement is one that should be encouraged at all costs. Even US president Obama agrees, he launched the "Year of Strong Fathers, Strong Families" initiative yesterday with this awesome website - fatherhood.gov

these ads for encouraging spending time with your kids are the cutest! SA department of social development take notes please

But unfortunately my 'hug a dad today' glow of positivity came to an abrupt end when i logged onto the social networks yesterday to find an onslaught of hate being thrown at deadbeat dads, and useless babydaddies. Of course there were also loads of messages of love for supportive fathers but it was to me anyway rather surprising just how many people clearly had issues with their fathers or the father of their children. Even worse was just how much anger in general the subject of fatherhood could unleash, if you don't believe me just search the #DaddyIssues  and #mydadgetsnocall TT on twitter!

But funnily enough the first thought that popped into my head when i read all this was - it's 2011 folks, how can there still be this many women choosing to sleep with and bring children into the world with deadbeat men?! Call it anti-feminist all you like but i truly do believe that in a post birth control generation (can you believe that the pill was introduced in the 1960's) there is actually no reason why we shouldn't be choosing better partners with which to procreate with. And no i am not saying that the responsibility lies soley with women to be good parents, and yes i do believe that in most cases deadbeat fathers deserve the hate they get. But if we can drive cars, go to the moon, vote, pay our bills and buy sperm surely we also have the power to prevent the cycle from starting in the first place!

Exhibit 1. the sms that Zola 7's baby mama no. 2 Garnet allegedly got from him when she asked for child support. Translation: "wasn't it you who opened your thighs, bitch" - like really gal was being with a kwaito star worth it?  

Think about it: even if every man on earth was a complete F-up we as women could still control whether or not they become fathers. By not sleeping with them or at least by not bringing children into the world with them we could bring the cycle to an abrupt stop. It's us who have the ovaries, we're the ones who hold the power as to who will provide us with their seed. Situations like rape aside, it's not an un-realistic scenario - women only choosing the best men to father their children...can you imagine how quickly the world would change if men had to be better people in order to get laid!

Exhibit 2.  christina milian: who could have saved herself a lot of tears by keeping her pants on...The Dream, girl!?...really?!

Is that yo daddy baby violet...SMDH!

In the animal kingdom it's called survival of the fittest, like the lioness who only mates with the strongest males in the pride, i don't see why the human race can't adopt the same principles. And i'm not talking about these male created ideals of strength as defined by aggression or political and economic power. I'm talking about men with morals, strength of character and belief in the family values that are best for the child (yes un-African or not i do mean monogamous and faithful partnerships) and respect for the woman who bears their seed. Those men with integrity plus the financial and emotional means (ie kiss, feed, love, clothe, hug and educate) to raise strong well adjusted children.

Exhibit 3: So call me judgey...but no Lauren London I do not think being Lil Wayne's baby mama no.4 was the best way to bring a child into the world (there's another non celeb mama not pictured).

Fact is as women we have long used our bodies and sexual power to get what we want, from Cleopatra, to Marilyn Monroe to Monica Lewensky history has taught us that the right set of bosoms has the power bring down an empire. So if our loins can break up marriages, bring about wars and can get a girl a paid up apartment at the flick of a weave why can't they choose a non-deadbeat daddy for your kid?
 

baby mamma 1 (2 kids)

baby mama 2

Exhbit 3: a strong talented woman with a life many would kill for, chose to use her power how?...she used it to give her son the kind of Dad who would father a child with another woman while his wife was pregnant...slow clap for Ms Keys!

Fact is i'm not a mother so i probably have no idea what i'm talking about and i'm probably too young smart and privileged to understand how hard it is for many poor impoverished woman out there to find a good man - hey even a millionaire's daughter like Sonono Khoza had to settle (even if it was for a president). Or maybe it's just time for us to stop making excuses mistresses! We know we hold the power to change the face of fatherhood if we wanted to. And it doesn't lie in making your ex pay, taking your husband to the cleaners or not giving him visitation till he does what you want - it's as easy as saying NO to the useless swagger of tall, sexy "i don't intend to commit but i know how to give you an orgasm" that's all up on your BBM right now!